Birthday Funk

Today I turned 38 years old. It's one of those "no big deal" birthdays like so many have been lately. I greet number 38 feeling a little blah and out of sorts. It's not that I'm depressed about my age because I'm really not...it's that I'm just letting life's pressures get to me and I'm feeling kinda crappy. The kids are really stressing me out lately and I get stressed thinking about the finances. Sometimes it feels that all I do all day is walk around with a baby on my hip while I fix meals, clean up, do laundry, load the dishwasher, worry a little, unload the dishwasher, clean up again, snap at the kids, worry some more, take baby off of hip and (finally!) put her to bed, round up other two for bed and ultimately just go to bed myself. On the three days a week I work it's the same routine, just insert "go to the office" between "fix meals" and "clean up" with the only difference being that I go to the office without the baby on the hip (a welcomed break if you ask me).

The guess the best way to describe how I'm feeling is distracted. Distracted by life, worries, the needs of others, what I need to do, what I don't have the time to do, what I want, what I don't have the money for, where I'd like to go, what I'd like to buy, etc. I imagine it's a list much like the list other 38 year old mothers of three would compose. My birthday wish is to be able to ignore that ugly list for a while. My wish is that I'm able to start focusing on what I do have. Sounds easy enough but it's hard sometimes. It's easier to feel sorry for yourself.

I've been fighting that "I'm gonna cry any minute now" feeling for a couple of days now but I think the worst of the worrying is behind me. I'm not going to make my way through 38 feeling this way. I've got two devilishly handsome shaggy haired boys and a beautifully bright-eyed daughter that should be off of the hip and walking on her own soon. They are all healthy. I've got a husband that loves me and wants the best for all of us and hates to see me distracted and worried. He tries his best. It may be easier to feel sorry for myself but I need to be positive for all of their sake. It's the right thing to do. Now. My worries are not their fault.

Welcome 38. We're gonna turn this funk to rock.