Today I turned 38 years old. It's one of those "no big deal" birthdays like so many have been lately. I greet number 38 feeling a little blah and out of sorts. It's not that I'm depressed about my age because I'm really not...it's that I'm just letting life's pressures get to me and I'm feeling kinda crappy. The kids are really stressing me out lately and I get stressed thinking about the finances. Sometimes it feels that all I do all day is walk around with a baby on my hip while I fix meals, clean up, do laundry, load the dishwasher, worry a little, unload the dishwasher, clean up again, snap at the kids, worry some more, take baby off of hip and (finally!) put her to bed, round up other two for bed and ultimately just go to bed myself. On the three days a week I work it's the same routine, just insert "go to the office" between "fix meals" and "clean up" with the only difference being that I go to the office without the baby on the hip (a welcomed break if you ask me).
The guess the best way to describe how I'm feeling is distracted. Distracted by life, worries, the needs of others, what I need to do, what I don't have the time to do, what I want, what I don't have the money for, where I'd like to go, what I'd like to buy, etc. I imagine it's a list much like the list other 38 year old mothers of three would compose. My birthday wish is to be able to ignore that ugly list for a while. My wish is that I'm able to start focusing on what I do have. Sounds easy enough but it's hard sometimes. It's easier to feel sorry for yourself.
I've been fighting that "I'm gonna cry any minute now" feeling for a couple of days now but I think the worst of the worrying is behind me. I'm not going to make my way through 38 feeling this way. I've got two devilishly handsome shaggy haired boys and a beautifully bright-eyed daughter that should be off of the hip and walking on her own soon. They are all healthy. I've got a husband that loves me and wants the best for all of us and hates to see me distracted and worried. He tries his best. It may be easier to feel sorry for myself but I need to be positive for all of their sake. It's the right thing to do. Now. My worries are not their fault.
Welcome 38. We're gonna turn this funk to rock.
Friday, July 27, 2007
Saturday, July 07, 2007
The Itsy Bitsy Chipmunk...
Revenge is sweet, Dumb Ass. Serves you right.
Bleeding hearts, don't fret. I moved the downspout and he managed to work his way out and he's probably up to his little chipmunky elbows in dirt right now, burrowing his way through the roots of my perennials as I type.
Thursday, July 05, 2007
What's the rush?
Why do I have this feeling that summer is over already? Its only July 5th and I'm having that "end of August" sensation. Maybe it's because our temps have been a little mild - high 70s as opposed to the low 80s as they should be. A couple of nights recently have been downright chilly!
Maybe it's because I went to shop for a bathing suit this past weekend and was bombarded with mannequins wearing jeans and long sleeve sweaters. The few mix and match bathing suit pieces that remain have been relegated to the back of the store clearance rack. It took hours to weed through the mess trying to find pieces that actually went together and were the same size. I'm sorry but way back there in January, in the midst of the dead of winter, I just didn't FEEL like shopping for a swimsuit!
Maybe it's because we already had our summer BBQ. We usually host a BBQ the third Saturday in August but this year we are vacationing with friends that weekend instead. I guess Lu's 3rd birthday BBQ kind of took it's place this year.
Finally, this premature autumnal feeling has also been bolstered by that stupid chipmunk that's chosen my flower garden to burrow and nest in. He/she/they have pretty much destroyed the root systems of many of my perennials. Just looking at what's been ruined is depressing so I've kind of lost interest in weeding and maintaining the yard altogether. Plus, we got one of those obnoxious blue pools recently and it totally destroyed the look of the yard anyway.
But whatever the reason or reasons may be it's definatley time to snap out of it. Summertime is short lived around here so its out to the obnoxious blue pool we go. While I'm out there I might even check on the coneflowers and pull a few weeds. After all, I do it all wearing one of the THREE swim suits I scrounged around and pulled off of that disorganized clearance rack...at HALF PRICE!
Maybe it's because I went to shop for a bathing suit this past weekend and was bombarded with mannequins wearing jeans and long sleeve sweaters. The few mix and match bathing suit pieces that remain have been relegated to the back of the store clearance rack. It took hours to weed through the mess trying to find pieces that actually went together and were the same size. I'm sorry but way back there in January, in the midst of the dead of winter, I just didn't FEEL like shopping for a swimsuit!
Maybe it's because we already had our summer BBQ. We usually host a BBQ the third Saturday in August but this year we are vacationing with friends that weekend instead. I guess Lu's 3rd birthday BBQ kind of took it's place this year.
Finally, this premature autumnal feeling has also been bolstered by that stupid chipmunk that's chosen my flower garden to burrow and nest in. He/she/they have pretty much destroyed the root systems of many of my perennials. Just looking at what's been ruined is depressing so I've kind of lost interest in weeding and maintaining the yard altogether. Plus, we got one of those obnoxious blue pools recently and it totally destroyed the look of the yard anyway.
But whatever the reason or reasons may be it's definatley time to snap out of it. Summertime is short lived around here so its out to the obnoxious blue pool we go. While I'm out there I might even check on the coneflowers and pull a few weeds. After all, I do it all wearing one of the THREE swim suits I scrounged around and pulled off of that disorganized clearance rack...at HALF PRICE!
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