Sinking in - s.l.o.w.l.y.

Ok, so I guess I'm absorbing the news. I still feel like such a breeder and worry about what people will think, how we will pay for three kids to go to college, afford cool family vacations, or how we will ever find time to do anything else like work, read a book, watch a movie, garden or keep up with the mail and the laundry...

It's like, all the family vacation commercials on TV list the pricing options for the family of four and I think "that used to be us". Like the pricing for five would be so over the top...Ugh.

It's actually quite exhausting, the worrying...

But so far, we've only shared the news with a few people and of course they just "knew" that something was different about me and that they could "see it in my face" and just knew that we'd have three kids someday.

One thing I do know is that it's fun as hell to be walking around the office, knowing what I know and just wanting to tell people to blow their minds. I do find myself smiling when I think about it. I guess that's a good sign.

Oh. My. God.

Oh. My. God., originally uploaded by allumom.

I can't believe that I'm telling the internet the news before anyone else (well, anyone beside my husband and kids). You definately heard it here first. It's kind of like putting my secret out there without really telling anyone. I took a home pregnancy test yesterday and what do you know. Positive. Now what.

The thing is that I liked being a mom with two boys. I liked that the kids didn't outnumber the parents. I can manage two. Two still left time for me to do other things. Lu is 18 months old now - walking, talking, sleeps great, naps nicely, good disposition and so cute and smart. Potty training wasn't so far off. Now you're telling me I have to start over! Bassinets, sleepless nights, breast pumps, wobbly necks and waiting for dried up belly buttons to fall off? Not to mention maternity clothes, swollen feet, doctor appointments, ultrasounds...UGH! I didn't WANT to start over. I'm happy with the way things are. My boys are awesome! Al loves the White Stripes. I've done a good job!

A third means I have to start that "newborn worrying" all over again. SIDS, autism, getting enough breastmilk, pooping enough, vaccinations, germs. And what if it's a girl? That means a whole new set of clothes, toys, room decor and girly DVDs. I don't want to do Disney Princess ANYTHING. Lord help me.

The good news is that I'm barely pregnant and I have lots of time to adjust mentally. I didn't find out the sex of the baby with my first two pregnancies but I will have as many ultrasounds as it takes to find out with this one. I wasn't prepared for it's conception but I will be prepared for it's birth. It's one determined little fetus. I was only off of the pill for one flippin' month! You see, I went to fill my birth control prescription in December and the pharmacy told me that my doctor needed to renew my prescription - no more refills. Thing is, my doctor wouldn't renew until I came in for my annual Gyno exam. He held my pills hostage! I went in for the exam, got my prescription refilled and I actually have the new pill pack here at the house. I was waiting until I started my period to start taking them. But the period didn't come. No fair! I have the pills! They are right here! We're ready to go! I swear!

But alas, there is no rewind button in life and here I am, pregnant with my third child. Oh the things I would do differently if I could. For now, I need to sit back and relax and enjoy life as I know it now and let this new fact of life sink in. We'll be okay and we will deal with things as they happen.

It certainly leaves me lots of stuff to blog about. And kwilliams1, if you happen to be reading, PLEASE, please, please help me keep this a secret for awhile. The fact that I have to tell everyone at work that I need to take a THIRD maternity leave is a whole other headache. I'm actually embarrased. UGH!

Travel note to self

DON'T FORGET THE PACK N' PLAY. When going away for the weekend to stay with family in Toronto, don't focus so much on all the OUTFITS. Try remembering that your youngest son is only 18 months old and will need to sleep SAFELY somewhere through the night and during naps. Please note how accomodating the manufacturers were in even naming the thing - with the word PACK right in it's name.

And while your at it, remember that you drive a MINI-VAN so you also have plenty of room in the vehicle for a baby gate or two and a booster seat so he doesn't have to eat while sitting in your lap. And hey, why don't you throw a toddler size fork and spoon in the diaper bag. How much effort does THAT take.

Geez. It's almost like you've never done this before! And after all, it will only make your travel experience that much more relaxing. Just think, no running up and down the stairs FIFTY times to make sure he hasn't fallen off the bed or constantly having to interrupt the adult conversations taking place to make sure he's not heading for the stairs...

And the baby monitor would be nice, too. Especially in a house so large.

Long weekend

No work tomorrow. Vacation day means loooonnnnngggg weekend and it couldn't come at a better time. You see, seems as though they hired a real goombah to work on my floor and he's been driving me crazy all week (I'm not your assistant, dude!). Think "My Cousin Vinny", gold nugget jewelry, bad hair piece, porn mustache and fake tan. I've been living in my own episode of "The Office" since last Monday, complete with inappropriate comments about women. He's harmless, just clueless and cheesy as hell.

But hey, who knows - by Sunday, I may even miss being called "hon".

Nah.

Branching out

Hey! I joined a ring! I'm now a part of the Crazy Hip Blog Mama's net ring. Woo-hoo!

Here we go again

Another early morning entry when I still have things to do to get ready for work. Plus, it's snowing so that adds AT LEAST a half of an hour to the commute. The problem is that I'm finding that I don't have alot of spare time to be posting entries. I would love to log on and post during the day but I work at one of those big companies with an overzealous IT department. I'm sure they track your every movement online. Don't necessarily want to lose my job over this. When I get home there is always so much to do and I would like to spend some quality time with the boys and all...Oh well. I'll do my best and post when I can. We did get a new digital camera so I hope to be adding to my flickr post as well. Right now I think I'm gonna waste MORE TIME and take a picture of the backyard. The snow on the trees looks absolutely beautiful. (Wish I didn't have to leave the house today so I could enjoy the view...)

Seriously...

Okay. Way back when on January 2nd I came up with my big ole' To Do in 2006 list as part of that "start fresh" mode that comes with the new year. Maybe if I post the list here I'll actually start adhearing to some of it. Two of my entries were to start getting to bed earlier and to wake up earlier. Man! How do you become a morning person? I hit the snooze button 6 times and then find myself scrambling around trying to get out of the house on time. I get frustrated with the kids for not cooperating and everyone ends up all disgruntled. For God's sake can I do this one simple little thing! Blogging in the morning isn't any way to make the situation any better...shame on me!

Frog & Hacky Sacks

Frog & Hacky Sack, originally uploaded by allumom.

What is it about a museum gift shop that makes you want to buy EVERYTHING. I kept my cool today and walked out with only a new keychain for myself and a couple of hacky sacks for the boys. Looking back now I can't believe that of all the neat stuff I saw there today, I walked out with this. It's okay though because I've promised Al that I'll take him with me in a couple of weeks. Al is almost 5 and very big on thing to do with ancient Egypt. I'm sure he'll be big on the gift shop as well.

I've been waiting to take Al to the museum with me and have decided that "almost 5" is old enough. I mean, we had better plant the seeds of creativity soon, what with all of the dreams I have of him becoming a famous archeologist, or sculptor, or painter, or...docent.

And really, there's no pressure. After all, I'm an Art History graduate currently moonlighting as "Administrative Assistant" (more on why I can't stand that title at a later date). I don't see "famous curator" becoming a part of my resume anytime soon. It's really all about finding something different to do with the kids - together.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I need to go find out just what I did with those "Renaissance Masterpieces" flashcards...

Hard to Focus

Saturday mornings - so much to do, so little time. I wake up uninspired and desperately need that first cup of coffee to get me going. Unlike mornings during the week, I don't have to IMMEDIATELY jump in the shower. I can have that cup of coffee first and turn on SpongeBob for the boys. It's a Saturday morning routine. It works. While hubby scans the newspaper and weekend sales papers, that first cup of coffee settles in and the "to do" list starts to take shape.

And it's "shape" is HUGE.

A quick look around indicates that there are dishes to unload from the dishwasher and a pile in the sink to take their place. There is laundry in the dryer that needs to be refreshed with the "remove wrinkle" cycle because it's been sitting in there for a couple of days now. Clothes to fold after that. Laundry to pull from the hampers, take downstairs to wash, toys everywhere, bathrooms that need cleaning, a fridge to purge and a lot of straightening up to do after a busy work week. Currently I'm still looking at a very dry Christmas tree and a house full of weary looking Santas. I think they long for the quiet of the attic. Me too, right about now. There is so much to do that I can't decide what to do first. I start with one task and inevitably end up sidetracked and on to another, mid-stream. Another part of the Saturday routine - trying to stay focused.

By the way, since Christmas that first cup of coffee has been a Senseo coffee. The coffeemaker whips up one cup at a time using special Senseo coffee pods. Yummmmm....smoooooth...Recommended!

Coneflower

Coneflower, originally uploaded by allumom.

I remember when days were warm and sunny and flowers bloomed and the backyard was so green. We planted a bunch of perennials this past summer and I can't wait to see how much bigger they'll be this year. I look out the window into the yard now and I can't even imagine that this bleak, brown space will ever be so lush.

Floppy Straw Hat

Floppy Straw Hat, originally uploaded by allumom.

This is a test to see if I can figure out how to add my flickr pics to my blog. This is only a test...

The Name Game

I think I deliberated less when it came to naming my two sons than I did to name this blog.

And I'm not even sure I like what I've come up with. (For the blog, not the boys.)

I have many excuses why it took me so long to come up with something. Here they are:

1) Lots of the names I thought of were already taken.
2) Didn't want to sound to hokey or pretentious.
3) As a working wife and mother of two boys, my creative juices are FROZEN.
(Starting this blog is one way I hope to get them moving again).
4) I couldn't think of anything cool play on words with my real name.
5) I've never had a nickname...couldn't use that.

And the list goes on. I've come up with "thankful for small things" because basically, I am. Very. My life consists mostly of small things - two "small" boys (4.5 and 1.5 years old). A "small" job, meaning that I go into the office, work ,then come home 8 hours later. I leave work and don't bring any of it home with me. I don't work overtime, I don't have a work cell phone, I don't do any work from home and my boss doesn't call me at home to ask me questions. I prefer it this way. I'm not a boss, don't manage or supervise others and I am really the only one in my "department". It's a good fit for me.

My house is kinda small. It's bigger now because we added a second floor two winters ago but when we bought it it was real small - about 860 square feet. The addition has doubled our square footage and we have more room to run now. And run we do. It's an old house and the kitchen and the rooms on the first floor are small. I find this all okay, too, because I'm not a fan of cooking and don't spend a lot of time in the kitchen anyway. Our backyard is long and narrow and our little 1.5 car garage sits in it. I consider the garage small because my vehicle won't even fit inside of it.

Anyway, I'm happy to get the first post under my belt. I'm telling you, I would have started posting last week if it wasn't for that silly "naming the blog" problem. I'm happy to be online. It's a small start!